A-Game

Why do you always want to court aged men?

Calling all senior citizens of the GTA.

Must love God. Must be well-aged.

White hairs optional.

Walking stick provided.

-- Veto, skype 2011

I think this is the most hilarious that I have ever been. I am with my best friend right now (for the first time in far too long) and I am just so happy to be with her.

Chev, I thank God for you everyday..

To quote Renae.

- bcl.

At the end of the yellow brick road..

The plane landed yesterday at approximately 12:30 p.m. in Detroit, Michigan.


God gave me a very special welcome-home present. The weather was perfect. The sky is so blue, the air is so fresh, the grass is so green, the clouds are so white. You know, the whole shindig.

When I arrived home yesterday, at 178 Easton Dr. of South Lyon, Michigan, I felt so happy. It was almost kind of weird. Like, I couldn't even explain what I was so happy and giddy about.

But I will say this: I absolutely marveled at the size of everything in my house, including the actual house. Especially my refrigerator. I'm serious. I must have the world's most enormous fridge. I couldn't get over it. I just stared at it and opened and closed it, then opened and closed it again. Also, I took my socks off and walked around on my carpet, which has never felt so soft. (I haven't stepped on carpet in three months). And I don't think I have ever been so happy to see the ready supply of microwave popcorn in my cupboard.. along with the large unopened bag of Lay's ketchup chips waiting for my arrival, which Felix and I gladly finished off in a few hours.

And oh my God. My bed.

With the combination of intense jet lag (on top of an all-nighter the day before) and my own bed and blanket, I don't think I have ever had such a good night's sleep.

So, in conclusion, to quote Dorothy, "there's no place like home."



-bcl.

The biggest lie I ever told

Person 1: Well, this is it. Our last night here. We're flying home tomorrow. I'm so sad. I'm really going to miss this.

Person 2: Yes, but that's okay. We're going home so at least you'll get to be home and see those friends.

Person 1: I know, but, well, it's just that.. you know. This place. These people. I'm going to miss it all.

Person 2: Yeah. But don't worry. Home's good. You're going to be okay. We're going to be okay. And take it from someone who's been around and has had to say a lot of goodbyes. It all gets easier. You get used to it.

Liar.

It never gets easier and you never get used to it.

Don't get me wrong.

Of course I like to travel and to meet new people. But that's only because I make new friends without the intention of ever leaving them. I never think about how after our time together, we will have to part ways; maybe for a little while. Maybe for a long time. Or maybe forever. Because if I made friends that way, well.. I'd never make any.

I spend too much of my time missing someone or some place or some thing. Every moment that I spend in one place with one person is a moment that I'm not spending in some other place with some other person. I can never have it all.

Because Life is an adventure. But if you aren't careful, it might end up being a very lonely one.

Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together?

I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos.

I have to learn to better seal my blessings and to make some room in my suitcase so that I can pack them up and keep them forever. Take them with me wherever I go next.

Hong Kong, it's been real. Hello-goodbye.

- bcl.

Grad, class, remedy

Hello blogosphere.

Friday night was grad night, which was great. Grad Night is always a much-anticipated night; an exciting event marked by testimonies, videos, nice outfits, and lots of pictures. I was serving that night on Docs so it was a slightly different angle than previous years for me, but I was blessed nonetheless, and really actually enjoyed the night's festivities.

God only knows that I love frontline.

I am totes-m'gotes bummed about missing their commencement this year, so had to take a preemptive photos-with-the-seniors strike at grad night. I felt a little foolish and vain for walking around with a camera snapping photos with all of the seniors since I wasn't graduating myself.

Oh well.

After grad night, it always becomes class night.

Remedy went to Denny's.

It was the best. I haven't had that much fun (in general) in a long time, and maybe never in my class (except for last spring's mafia night).

The single long table in the middle of the restaurant was already taken by G.A. when we arrived, so Remedy was seated in this corner filled with about 5 booths. The aisle in between us was small so we just talked to each other across the way and got up and moved about in that area between all the tables.

The conversations that night were grrrrrrreat.

We began with psycho tests/quizzes where your answers supposedly reveal something about yourself. Then we segway-ed into horror stories. And then we told stories with holes/logic games.

Highlight-- I had just finished telling a scary Chinese legend/story. Keep in mind that at this point, we were all already a little creeped out and jumpy from the previous stories. Right after I finished telling my story, the power went out. All of it. Even the street lights in the parking lot right outside of the window we were sitting next to were out.

Everyone screamed. Hilarity ensued.

And also, see photo:

This is the story of Andrew Lee's life.

Blessed.

Love, Remedy.

bcl.

I'm running this time

and fading fast.

It doesn't matter which way I'm running, as long as it takes me away.

You think you know. You wish you cared more.

But you have no idea.

Get to the horizon. And then you just keep going. Faster and faster you flee..

and then, gone.

bcl.

The thing is, I miss Him.

You know how people always associate children with joy and freedom?

When I see a small child at a park, laughing and brimming with immense glee, of course my heart fills with joy. But beyond that joy, there is a sadness, isn't there?

There's something that is so happy and so sad at the same time about the scene.

It's rooted in envy. Found in what has been lost to me.

That I don't look like that anymore. That this child can be so surrounded with joy, while I cannot. I look closer at the scene laid out before me in my own imaginings and note that the sky really is bluer here. The clouds are whiter, the grass is greener, and the sun is brighter. The air even smells fresh; clearer here.

And the sadness creeps in again as I realize that in my current state, climbing up the slide will not provide the same joy to me.

I miss that swinging feeling.

Of course, I can still swing now. But though the swing remains completely unchanged, the girl climbing onto it has not.

I miss my God.

I miss the uncontainable joy and love and intimacy that once flowed between us. I look back to just two years ago when I first started college and encountered God face-to-face for the first time. The excitement. The passion. The fire. How worship used to move me. A powerful night of prayer would refresh my spirit, and God's whisper brought much comfort.

But now I need a shout.

Dear Lord I miss you.

- bcl.

Test: F

I have so little faith.

There is a genuine lack of trust in God that I have discovered within my own heart this year. I struggle with a dangerous, relentless sense of unbelief. Trust me. I know.

How?

Because this has been a year defined by one test after another after another. And by test, I mean failed test. God has been stretching me this year in more ways than I could have ever dreamed up. His creativity truly knows no bounds, I guess. The challenges have been non-stop, and with those unending times of trials, came a plethora of tests of faith. Some bigger than others.

Edge-of-the-cliff moments. God saying to me, "Okay. You say you think you trust me. You say you think you know that I am your Heavenly Father who loves you and will catch you. That I have a good plan for you. That my timing is perfect. That you are not forgotten. That I hear your prayers. That I am your Jehovah-Jireh. That I am right here always.

Now jump."

World, I couldn't do it.

The Leap of Faith was asking too much of me.

Tonight at the docs meeting, we did a Bible study on the last bit of James, chapter 5. The title of the passage? The Prayer of Faith.

Didn't see that one coming. But I should have.

Immediately after leaving the docs meeting, I received a worrying e-mail.. and just like that, cue panic mode. My small, precarious, yielding, tremulous, and evidently shaky faith (if you can call it that) gave way. A brutal collapse of all things of peace and truth.. and I along with it.

The e-mail that I received tonight was such a small matter.

Just before writing this post, in my state of frenzied worry, I heard my God.

"Oh you of little faith, why did you doubt? This was but the smallest set-back (again, if you can call it that) and how quickly you were to flounder and break. Come on. Get up. I'm still trying to work on you. I need to continue to strengthen your faith. Trust me. Let me."

So James 5, The Prayer of Faith, eh? Here I come.

I want to be a woman of faith.

-bcl