Today, as I was driving home on the freeway, I crossed into some traffic congestion. A few short miles away from my exit, I tried to switch lanes, but found it a difficult task since the next lane was taken up by a continuous flow of cars. With my turn signal blinking rapidly, I looked desperately for a break in the stream of moving steel and rubber. After some time, I thought I saw a small gap; the car next to me appeared to be slowing down, or at least maintaining his speed, perhaps trying to let me pass in front of him. Unsure, I hesitated to cut him off. The driver then gave me a light honk, which allowed me to confidently switch into his lane. I waved thank you, and continued the drive home, pondering his kind gesture.
Or rather, pondering about the wonder that is car horns.
You see, the thing is, car horns are like really actually just one noise. But for some reason, they can still sound different depending on what each honk is trying to signal.
A mean, "HEY YOU SUCK" honk and a friendly "go ahead" beep are both produced from the very same flat, circular steel diaphragm from within the vehicle horn. But its range of emotion and its versatility are impressive, to say the least.
When I'm raging at the road, the stupid horn seems insufficient. But when I'm just stopped at a pedestrian crossing and there's a little old lady struggling to decide whether or not she should walk and I want to encourage her with a cute little gentle beep, it is far too loud and aggressive.
Therefore, I propose that automobile makers should create different horns for different moods. Think of the possibilities!
- #%!& you! honk
- friendly, Go ahead honk
- crude, Holler at that hottie honk (this one will be a hit for sure. It will make everything so much easier for the cat callers and whistlers who normally have to like, go through all the extra and unnecessary effort of actually rolling down their window and sticking their faces out of the window to scream)
- kind, but stern Move out of the way honk, available in various animal languages
- omg, HEY! honk for when you see your friends and want to get their attention so you can wave very enthusiastically at them until the light finally changes so that you can drive away and then text them about how hilarious and crazy it was that you'd run into them at that intersection, of all places!
You're welcome, Motor City. This is your ticket back to the top. Think on it.
Beeeeep,
-bcl.
No comments:
Post a Comment